Bestfriends

I used to have 2 bestfriends when I was in Junior High School. A girl, and a boy. As per usual, there will be a romance story, and yes, but not that romantic and I'm not gonna tell about that in this writing. The girl, let's call her Amy, a beautiful girl full of spirit, being an OSIS and class chairman at the same time. She was actually our class chairman for 3 years ahead. The boy, let's call him Nata, a quiet person, genius but never showed that he was when we were in school, but I just knew it ever since the first time I saw him, I could just knew it. Ah, and there was this IQ ranking and he was the first one with the highest IQ, but he never really being proud or showed off about that. He's like, the cold, quiet, genius boy in manga or fan fiction or whatever it was. Let's get back to the story of our friendship.

The friendship actually made of me and Amy being excommunicated because of the scores that we gave to others for a task were low, like 70 something, while others gave us like 90 or something. After that, I and Amy were like going everywhere just the two of us, so sad. One day, we became three with Nata, maybe because he's not that kind of person that really think score was everything. We went to Amy's house usually. We red books, or just talked about things, kids things.

One day, Amy said she's about to move to other city, and that's mean she'd be moved into new school. Nata and I were surprised and feeling sad at the same time. Then one day, when Nata and I went to Amy's house, Nata gave me this letter to give to Amy. I just took it and gave it to Amy, no feeling of curiosity.

About 2 days after that, when I and Amy walked together, she started to talk about the letter. She gave me to read it. The letter was quiet long and it tookme like minutes to read and understand the meaning. I'm not gonna talk about the letter. But Amy was not leaving us, she stayed in the school until graduation and moved for high school.

After graduation, I was thinking like, 'Ah, I'll be in the same school with Nata, so at least I'll have a bestfriend with me and my high school will never be better.'

But then, the fact is, my high school was so flat, and boring, and I felt like I suddenly graduated.

At the first year, Nata was being away with me, maybe because we were in different class. But in the second year, we were in the same class and he's totally changed. He never spoke to me unless it's important. But with others, he spoke well, too well until it made me felt like he's mad at me or there was another problem. When we were in last year of junior high school, there was this rumor saying I liked him, but it was just a rumor and I didn't care about it, and I thought so did he. But maybe that made him kept a distance with me.

I was so sad, so mad, so disappointed, so curious, what made him do that. I never had any occasion to ask him, until a couple days ago. There were these moments for me, when I felt like everything is just speaking inside of my head, started to think about every single tiny thing that I'm nt supposed to think about. That's why I asked him, I texted him.

He didn't give a proper answer, just saying how he just wanted to stay away for a while from people. He never showed up in WA group, and he never replied my text, so it's like he's totally gone. But there are these friends of mine who's always in touch with him, and I'm totally jealous about it. No, not jealous as a girl, but as a friend.

Then, this thought of mine about how I couldn't be a good friend for my ex-bestfriend keep haunting me until now. I always have this feeling of responsibility for keep the happiness of my junior high school friends. I want them to live their life happily, that's it.

One thing I didn't know that I must know is my responsibility to make me, myself, live my life happily. A friend of mine, a lovely friend, told me that, and also that I or anyone, never have any responsibility of others' happiness. I thought about it the whole night and I was having this thought, I wanna let go my friends. I'm pretty sure they're having a happy life, and didn't forget to tell them to tell each other if they have problems or other things, and I'm done. I think that's the best thing to do :)

RS Hermina Makassar

September 18th 2021

Lagi nunggu terapi

-pinus pines-

ps: I still have you guys in my heart, Amy and Nata :)

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