HELLO

Well, hello there, it's me, pinus pines.

I decide to start a new life, but with the old me. I may become so creepy, or like talk about random things, being a nerd and fun at the same time. I just decide to back to the old me. Some friends who were in the same group with me in clerkship must have known that I actually not that quite, but 2 of them, who were in charge being in a subunit with me with one supervisor have known that I could talk so much, even too much like I couldn't stop.

If you have watched Cruella, the old me was like Cruella and the now me that you've seen either in high school or in college was more like Estella.

The other thing that I just found out after talked to my psychiatrist is that I can not break rules, maybe that's why I kept being so anxious in clerkship even about simple things. Like a couple weeks ago, I was with this friends, and we needed to print just one paper for signature, but it's in the hospital, and that was around 4 or 5 pm. This one friend then taking me to the counseling room, and told me to start printing. That was my very first big rule breaking, and that was just argh making my heart like fell down and I just couldn't breathe like argh. But that was making me proud of me. I mean, I can finally control myself and my weakness.

I wish my writing didn't messed up.

Another thing about the old me, I was so small but so lively. I was so full of spirit. I liked singing random things in my head, not just saying it but turned it into musical things. I liked running, I was the fastest girl in my class. I was boyish. I spent more time with my boy friends than the girls, because my seat was in the boys part, right in front of the teacher desk. Oh how I love the old me :)

I don't know how long this confidence will stay since you know, I'm having these ups and downs, this bipolar. But I do hope it could last forever hihi.

My Messy Room
September 19th 2021
-pinuspines-

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