Wonderful Days

Let me tell you about how magical things happen to me in last few days.

It was my down phase and I just couldn't study at all. Meanwhile, I got tasks to get done. It was the day when I spoke up about my mental disorders. My team mate keep doing all those tasks while I did nothing. Every single night, I tried my hardest just to start doing my part, but it was very hard, I could only keep on crying on my pain. Alhamdulillah, I finally could overcome it by telling myself, "Just a little bit more, just a little bit. You're gonna go through this. Please, just one step closer." I repeated it, even until now, every time those feelings, the pain, came to me. 

The next thing I'd like to share is about my supervisor. My friends kept tellin' us about the person, and my anxiety came up. It was scary. Those feeling, those negative emotions, they're torturing me until the exam day. But things suddenly just so smooth as butter. My supervisor was so busy with something so the first and second exam passed. I and my team mate couldn't stop being grateful, Alhamdulillah, just two more exams to get done.

Next exam, the third, even more surprising. My supervisor couldn't give us the exam so there was another supervisor gave us the exam. Every single supervisor was a good, nice, and humble person, it's just me with my troubles, so no judging here. But our third exam went too well. It made me feel so happy and did not realize about the incoming problems.

It was a beautiful morning, and beautiful afternoon until 1.30pm. The exam was started and I began to feel so anxious and numb and just empty. I felt like I got nothing in my brain. So, when the supervisor asked questions, I just couldn't answer well. There were only 2 questions for each of us, which were 4 in total, before my supervisor decided to stop the exam. He said he already knew the score he's gonna give us and at the time I realize he's kinda disappointed and a lil bit mad so he ended it.

At the end of the rotation, I found out I got standard score while my team mate got a high score (she deserved it). I surely felt disappointed on myself, but I was trying to just accept the reality and got up again.

That's (not so) wonderful days of my orthopedic rotation on clerkship :)

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